Single Moms: Expand Your Dating Horizons

As a single mom, I am an equal opportunist. I'm a young black miss who attended both independent private and boarding schools from 7th grade onward. School exposed me to multiple ethnic groups; as I also lived in Spain for my entire junior year in high school. Since I was born and bred in D.C., I do love my brothers. Yet, my educational exposure led me to love brothers of other colors too. And I don't mean strictly Caucasians or Americans. I mean give me a long-legged, dark haired man with a Brooklyn, Cali, American Southern, South American, Italian, or any kind of accent. I'm in bliss.

Of course, as a black woman and as a mother, interracial dating is accepted more by my female friends and family than the male equivalent. I believe the reverse to be true when it comes to black men dating outside of their race as well. And, I do admit to feeling a hypocritical sting and being an under-the-surface bigot when I see a black man with a white woman or another non-black woman.

Naturally, as women and men we all have our personal biases, likes and dislikes and opinions. As a single mom, I gradually got over the "dating shame" I felt in public as the warmth of my relationships would trump the cold stares thrown at me in the streets. As I became comfortable, my confidence shone through and deflected any kind of attempt of harshness thrown my way.

Strangers are one battle but family and friends are another. (My black daughter was easily accustomed to the ethnic mix of men I dated as my ex-husband was Belgian.) Also children are invariably color blind, until someone eventually points out racial differences to them. Thankfully, like most children, my daughter learned to be tolerant of others, while maintaining her identity (blackness). She can navigate through a "black and white world", as well as a Spanish and African one; or whatever may come her way.

From being exposed to other races, I made a choice to include non-blacks in my dating roster. We all know the saying, "Love is Blind". Race has no room in matters of the heart as long as you enjoy loving your partner. Being black and alone simply means you are black and alone.

Remember dating is supposed to be fun. Expanding your dating horizons is like choosing dinner for the night. You can go out for Mexican or prepare your own Japanese; you can pick-up Italian or have Chinese delivered. I wouldn't have it, nor want it, any other way and neither should you. Come on people; add some curry to your soup. We all need the spice. Enjoy your meal.

By Fran Cess for


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